You know how sometimes we fake being sick to a point it starts to actually hurt physically? How we pretend to a point even we forget if it’s real or not? I think that’s what we do with love sometimes. With the people around us, who are good for us to love but whom we never do love as they – and everyone else – expect us to. Maybe in order to fool ourselves into oblivion, we start thinking it’s going to happen, that we’ll end up falling.
However, I don’t think that’s the case. I don’t think we ‘end up’ falling in love. No. That’s bullshit. I don’t think you look at a person and think “Hmm, I’ll love them in time” because it’s not usually how it works. Love isn’t something to plan or to look for. You find it. Or it finds you. In the smallest things like looking at each other sneakily while the other isn’t paying attention or like walking on the street, and suddenly, a wave of their perfume invades your every sense. It’s like watching two people in love and smiling because you know the same secret they do. It’s like hands sitting next to one another, almost touching but not quite, so you feel that connection, that energy you knew existed but never saw and suddenly you feel it in every inch of your body and your skin feels colder and a shiver goes down your spine. And so, you know. You know you’ve been “touched by cupid’s arrow” – if you want to go all cheesy. Love isn’t something to “maybe start feeling for a person one day because idk they’re cute and I’d really like to be in love with them”. You can’t fake it till you make it. I’ve been finding it easier to start writing about love even though I’m not completely sure of what I’ve been feeling lately. I’m writing about love from the perspective of a 16-year-old that has gone through different stages of denial when it comes to this sneaky subject. Denial isn’t working and neither is this awful game we play with pretend-falling in love.
I’ve always admired love. It does whatever it wants. With even the most important person on earth, love can take him off his high horse and make one of the mortals look like Gods. Love comes whenever it wants. It hits you like crazy all of a sudden or it gives you a sneak attack, infiltrating in every inch of your life until it’s everything you know without you knowing it. But love isn’t something you can invite over and prepare for. It comes over you with things like admiration or adoration. And most of the time, it hits you where it hurts.
It’s almost V Day. So love everything and everyone without planning to do so. Stop planning who you’ll love tomorrow and start loving who you love today.
(picture from the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam of the sunflower maze)